this isn't quite a poem, but it's my story

[msandlie]

This kinda reminded me of when i had to put my dog down. He was developing some type of spinal damage and he started loosing feeling to his back leg.. then later it spread to his other hind leg. The doctor gave me a few choices on how they could "try" a few things to keep the problem from getting worse. one option was giving him a type of medication..but after taking blood tests, his liver wasn't strong enough to handle the medication. the other option was spinal surgery which would cost thousands of dollars. He was 15 years old. We gave him some medicine every day that would keep the pain down (if there was any) till it got to the point where i would have to lift his hind end up the stairs after going outside to do his thing. he would fall down in his own droppings while he would try to go potty.. We finally decided that it was time and took him to the hospital (petsmart). The doctor looked at spuds and it didn't take long for her to look at me to kindly ask if i was ready. saying yes at that time was the most gut wrenching thing i had to do ever. That's the time you really truely make an internal decision of letting go of your son. finally after they insert the iv into his front leg..he kinda had this scared look but also the look like he was ready..even though he had come to realization that this was it..as if he was shocked... As the nurse pushes the drug into him i have him i could tell he started reacting to the drug. before he lays down I try very hard to tell him I love him. I finally got it out..he then lays down and rests his head against my hands and falls a sleep. His hid no longer fights any discomfort if any. I lay his hid down on the floor and the nurse tells me he's gone. I never talk about this..I don't talk about it to make you sad..but to let me get it out in the open. My wife was also with me sharing the same sadness. I think she was crying more for me than my dog because she was only with him for 3 years of his 15 years of life. Sometimes I wonder if he's angry with me..or upset or shocked that I did that to him. I so wish he would have passed in his sleep. There were so many times that i would whisper to him telling him that i would not be mad at him if he fell asleep and not wake up. I would tell him that if he is waiting for me to be ready to let go of him, that I was ready. But he kept holding on. I remember the nurse asked me if i would want to stay for the procedure. I said yes thinking it was the least I could do. The most honorable one can do no matter how tough..or how enbarassed you would be crying in front of the doctor and nurse.

if you wish to see pictures of him, just copy in the link below
http://www.sandlie.com/Spuds.htm

he was an awsome guy, a great protector, and my very best friend who was there for me good and bad. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him

[hanley]

Thank you for sharing your story, I understand & feel your pain,I have lost 3 dogs that were like my children,& I still cry when I think of them. Patti was a Boston terrier mix she had breast cancer,& she was 18 years old,our vet knew she was too old for surgery,so when she got down we knew what had to be done.Coley was also a Boston mix he lived too be 19 years old,he died at my feet one morning as I was getting out of bed, I prayed he would die in his sleep,but it was like he held on for me to get out of bed that morning so he could tell me goodbye.Babe was an akc reg. Boston I lost him last Oct. he was 11 years old he also had conjestive heart failure was on meds for over a year before he died,again he died at my feet, I rushed him to the vet. but he was already gone, & I still cry for all 3 of my babies as if it happened today. when you have that special bond with them, you never get over it,I feel like I was blessed for having them in my life for so many years, but you never want to give them up regardless of their age it still hurts. Boxer Pal, Hanley

[jazzyboxer]

I am so sorry for your loss of Spuds. What a beautiful boy he was. It's so hard to say goodbye, especially after 15 years. I hope we get 15 years or more with Jazz too. That is truly special, to have had such a great boxer in your life for all those years.

[cl2ysta1]

A Pet's Prayer

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more greatful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footsep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshiper.

Keep my pan filed with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you if it were dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

[quote]And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather, hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest - and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands

[lafsalot]

I cried when I read your post about Spuds, and I am so sorry for your loss. We recently had to humanely euthanize our beloved 7 yr old boxer, and it was one of the hardest things I've had to do to date. Always so intuitive, she sensed how upset I was and managed to lick my face and wag her tail seconds before she passed - it is a picture that will forever remain in my mind. Like you, I similarly second guessed our decision to follow the vet's recommendation to put her down, but in retrospect, I now realize that it would have been selfish of us to prolong her suffering - our vet said that she was only fighting death because of us. I know it is hard, but it does get better - fond memories keep them close to us. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family - Cathy

[Jan]

I'm sorry to hear about Spuds. He was a lovely boxer and you must have looked after him really well for him to live to such a ripe old age. Never feel guilty about what you did and I'm sure that Spuds was thankful for what you did. It sounds like his life was no longer a pleasure and now he is running pain free at the rainbow bridge
( http://www.boxerworld.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11170 ) and is healthy again. One day you will meet again.

Godspeed Spuds

[babs1225]

I am sorry to hear of your loss of Spuds...I looked at your photos and he was very handsome!!!