a letter to those abandoning their pets

meb999 · #1 04-12-2006, 09:48 PM

found this on another forum...

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Average Idiot,

We receive an extremely high volume of inquiries and requests to accept surrendered animals. To help us expedite your problem as quickly as possible, please observe the following guidelines:

1. Do not say that you are, "considering finding a good home," or, "feel you might be forced to," or, "really think it would be better if," you unloaded the poor beast. Ninety-five percent of you already have your minds stone-cold made up that the animal will be out of your life by the weekend or holiday at the latest. Say so. If you don't, I'm going to waste a lot of time giving you common-sense, easy solutions for very fixable problems, and you're going to waste a lot of time coming up with fanciful reasons why the solution couldn't possibly work for you. For instance, you say the cat claws the furniture, and I tell you about nail-clipping and scratching posts and aversion training, and then you go into a long harangue about how your husband won't let you put a scratching post in the family room, and your ADHD daughter cries if you use a squirt bottle on the cat, and your congenital thumb abnormalities prevent you from using nail scissors and etc., etc. Just say you're getting rid of the cat.

2. Do not waste time trying to convince me how nice and humane you are. Your coworker recommended that you contact me because I am nice to animals, not because I am nice to people, and I don't like people who "get rid of" their animals. "Get rid of," is my least favorite phrase in any language. I hope someone, "gets rid of" you someday. I am an animal advocate, not a people therapist. After all, you can get counselors, special teachers, doctors, social workers, etc., for your ADHD daughter. Your pet has only me, and people like me, to turn to in his or her need, and we are overworked, stressed-out, and demoralized. So don't tell me this big long story about how, "We love this dog so much, and we even bought him a special bed that cost $50, and it is just killing us to part with him, but honestly, our maid is just awash in dog hair every time she cleans, and his breath sometimes just reeks of liver, so you can see how hard we've tried, and how dear he is to us, but we really just can't ... ."

You are not nice, and it is not killing you. It is, in all probability, literally killing your dog, but you're going to be just fine once the beast is out of your sight. Don't waste my time trying to make me like you or feel sorry for you in your plight.

3. Do not try to convince me that your pet is exceptional and deserves special treatment. I don't care if you taught him to sit. I don't care if she's a beautiful Persian. I have a waiting list of battered and/or whacked-out animals who really need help, and I have no room to shelter your pet because you decided you no longer have time for your 14-year-old Lab. Do not send me long messages detailing how Fido just l-o-v-e-s blankies and carries his favorite blankie everywhere, and oh, when he gets all excited and happy, he spins around in circles, isn't that cute? He really is darling, so it wouldn't be any trouble at all for us to find him a good home. Listen, we can go down to the pound and count the darling, spinning, blankie-loving beasts on death row by the dozens, any day of the week. And, honey, Fido is a six-year-old shepherd-mix weighing 75 pounds. I am not lying when I tell you big, older, mixed-breed, garden-variety dogs are almost always completely unadoptable, and I don't care if they can whistle Dixie or send smoke signals with their blankies. What you don't realize, though you're trying to lie to me, you're actually telling the truth: Your pet is a special, wonderful, amazing creature. But this mean old world does not care. More importantly, you do not care, and I can't fix that problem.

All I can do is grieve for all the exceptional animals who live short, brutal, loveless lives and die without anyone ever recognizing they were indeed very, very special.

4. Finally, just, for God' s sake, for the animal's sake, tell the truth, and the whole truth. Do you think if you just mumble your cat is, "high-strung," I will say, "Okey-dokey! No problem!" and take it into foster care? No, I will start asking questions and uncover the truth, which is your cat has not used a litter box in the last six months. Do not tell me you "can't" crate your dog. I will ask what happens when you try to crate him, and you will either be forced to tell me the symptoms of full-blown, severe separation anxiety, or else you will resort to lying some more, wasting more time.

And, if you succeed in placing your pet in a shelter or foster care, do not tell yourself the biggest lie of all: "Those nice people will take him and find him a good home, and everything will be fine." Those nice people will indeed give the animal every possible chance, but if we discover serious health or behavior problems, if we find that your misguided attempts to train or discipline him have driven him over the edge, we will do what you are too immoral and cowardly to do: We will hold the animal in our arms, telling him truthfully he is a good dog or cat, telling him truthfully we are sorry and we love him, while the vet ends his life. How can we be so heartless as to kill your pet, you ask?

Do not ever dare to judge us.

At least we tried. At least we stuck with him to the end. At least we never abandoned him to strangers, as you certainly did, didn't you? In short, this little old rescuer/foster momma has reached the point where she would prefer you tell it like it is:

"We picked up a free pet in a parking lot a couple of years ago. Now we don't want it anymore. We're lazier than we thought. We've got no patience either. We're starting to suspect the animal is really smarter than we are, which is giving us self-esteem issues. Clearly, we can't possibly keep it. Plus, it might be getting sick; it's acting kind of funny. "We would like you to take it in eagerly, enthusiastically, and immediately. We hope you'll realize what a deal you're getting and not ask us for a donation to help defray your costs. After all, this is an (almost) pure-bred animal, and we'll send the leftover food along with it. We get it at the discount store, and boy, it's a really good deal. "We are very irritated you haven't shown pity on us in our great need and picked the animal up already.We thought you people were supposed to be humane! Come and get it today. No, we couldn't possibly bring it to you; the final episode of 'Survivor' is on tonight."

~~Author Unknown

meb999 · #2 04-13-2006, 07:59 AM

people suck. The last time I went to pick up two boxers (two BEAUTIFULL brindles, a boy and a girl -- around 2 years old) the lady told me :
'you guys are getting a really good deal with these two...I paid a whole lotta money on them and on top of that : they're trained!'

A GOOD DEAL???? Are you kidding me? I camly explained that there"s no profit to be made in rescue, that we actually lose alot of money....

ladyluck_t · #3 04-13-2006, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meb999

And, if you succeed in placing your pet in a shelter or foster care, do not tell yourself the biggest lie of all: "Those nice people will take him and find him a good home, and everything will be fine." Those nice people will indeed give the animal every possible chance, but if we discover serious health or behavior problems, if we find that your misguided attempts to train or discipline him have driven him over the edge, we will do what you are too immoral and cowardly to do: We will hold the animal in our arms, telling him truthfully he is a good dog or cat, telling him truthfully we are sorry and we love him, while the vet ends his life. How can we be so heartless as to kill your pet, you ask?

Do not ever dare to judge us.

At least we tried. At least we stuck with him to the end. At least we never abandoned him to strangers, as you certainly did, didn't you? In short, this little old rescuer/foster momma has reached the point where she would prefer you tell it like it is:

I have had to do this with 2 of my foster babies and stood with another foster family as we let go another baby, I can barely type for the tears running down my face thinking of those guys....and as I type this I just got an email with the following subject line: "I have a boxer that needs a good home".........why does it never end.

Please everyone on here, go home, give your babies a great big hug, and let them know they are so very lucky! And us guys in rescue are so thankful that they are so lucky.

xenaprincess · #4 04-13-2006, 09:29 AM

You know, I have a big problem with people who "give up" their pets for silly reasons, mostly laziness or they never researched the time and energy needed to love and care for an animal, or they want a "newer" one. Too much of that happening these days. However, I have to disagree with the harshness of this. As hard as it is to imagine, there are people out there who are faced with a very difficult decision of having to surrender a pet because they have no choice. I've seen it...I've lived it, and it hurts. I know people now...women and children, who have lived lives of abuse at the hands of their partners. They escaped the abuser and are trying to heal and move on. These women and children had to surrender their pets because of their new situation....living in a shelter that will not allow pets..moving to a new home that will not allow pets...not having the income they use to to allow them to care for their pets responsibly...I can go on and on. Some of these ladies never imagined their "soul mate" would turn to alcohol or drugs and begin to beat them within an inch of their lives!! That was not part of their wedding vows!! Sure, rehome them with a friend or family member...for how long? Who knows? Is there a set time to get your life and childrens lives back in order?? The ladies I speak of are desperately trying to heal. Their children..some as young as 3, are in counselling to help them heal from either being abused or witnessing abuse. They are trying to adjust to a breakdown in the family. And sadly, the hardest for the children is they are trying to grieve the loss of a family pet that had to be surrendered because "daddy abused us and made mommy leave to a place where we couldn't bring our dog/cat"!!
So, no, I'm sorry, but not all people who surrender a pet to the shelter are "idiots"!! People who think they can make a go of it with no money to feed their own kids, so they cut corners with the family pet (cheaper food..no vet visits...no vaccinations...no spay/neuter), or people who become so frustrated with the time and effort it takes to care for an animal begin to abuse or neglect the pet...that's selfish and idiotic!! We have shelters for a reason. To ensure that these animals have the opportunity to go to a home that can give them the life they deserve...it's called a second chance. So instead of making people like the ones I speak of feel more like a failure than they already do, how about assuring them that they are doing the right thing for the animal. How about trying to comfort them...try to understand their situation. Don't judge everybody that walks into a shelter to surrender a pet. You never always know the whole story and trust me, not all stories are the same!!
***I felt compelled to defend those who have legitimate reasons for surrendering a pet to a shelter. My intentions are not to stir an arguement or debate. This is a very touchy subject for me. I was almost one of the ladies I speak of, but I am stubborn and fought hard to keep both my dogs. I am so happy I did, however, not one day goes by that I do not feel guitly thinking that I can give my youngest fur-baby a much better life somewhere else with someone else. We have no property here...no where for him to run. We walk him alot, but he can't run free. That breaks my heart everyday. BUT, I do give them both all the love and attention that they deserve. They helped my children and myself heal, and we helped them heal. Think of the ones who don't have that opportunity. How very sad.

I, and several people that I know of, have a profound respect for those who work in shelters and rescues. I would hate it if I knew that these workers thought this way of ALL people who surrender pets, afterall, aren't they the ones who are supposed to encourage society to do the right thing by their pets?***
~off my soapbox now~

ladyluck_t · #5 04-13-2006, 10:42 AM

Thank you Sharon!

There are people such as you described, I am working with a family now that has gone the extra mile and it just isnt working, so they are re-homing their boxer. To me, I dont count them in the "idiot" pool, I consider them very brave, and as I told the lady last night it is much tougher to admit it is not working and do the right thing in re-homing than it is to tie the dog up in the back yard and forget about it.
But as someone who works mostly with surrendering owners, cases like the aforementioned family and yourself are few and far between. I would say out of every 5 surrenders, 1 is a special case that needs compassion and help. The other 4 are people like the letter stated.
People like you explained are the reason we have rescue's and shelters, unfortunately, there are too many of the other kind that overshadow the true needs. Thank you again for reminding us that there is always more to a matter than first seen.

meb999 · #6 04-13-2006, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyluck_t

But as someone who works mostly with surrendering owners, cases like the aforementioned family and yourself are few and far between. I would say out of every 5 surrenders, 1 is a special case that needs compassion and help. The other 4 are people like the letter stated. .

I'd say, around here (in Québec), it's more like 1 out of every 20 families is a special case.
Do you know how unbelievably rare cases like yours are Sharon? If all pets were abandoned for good reasons, then shelters and rescues wouldn't be bursting at the seams.
Although I didn't write this letter (as stated in the original post, I found it on another website), I do think it makes a point. Most of the families I've dealt with think they are doing rescuers a favor by abandoning their pets and want us to make them feel better about their choice. It makes me ill.

It's very frustrating. And I would never send this letter to someone abandoning their pet (for fear they'd just turn around and have it put to sleep), but I do think people should take responsibility for their actions.

Linswatson · #7 04-13-2006, 02:45 PM

Last night I had to give up my rottweiler/lab mix. Reading this really upset me. I understand that there are people out there who shouldn't have pets in the first place but we did EVERYTHING we could to try to keep her. She has severe separation anxiety and she is agressive with children. I am five months pregnant. We went to a behaviorist, we tried medication, we went to numerous training classes... all in all I realized that I have to put my baby's saftey first. We DID find her a very good home with a close friend who is keeping up on the training classes with her and keeping her on her medication. We will still be able to see her and Buford will still be able to play with her on weekends. We feel that we did the best thing for both Senna and for us. Honestly, five months ago I would have agreed with this letter but now I now know first hand how heartbreaking it is to have to give up someone you love so much - it's very hard to see yourself being grouped with people who just don't have the time/energy to try to do everything they can to keep their pets. I think this letter makes some very unfair generalizations.

ladyluck_t · #8 04-13-2006, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linswatson

Last night I had to give up my rottweiler/lab mix. Reading this really upset me. I understand that there are people out there who shouldn't have pets in the first place but we did EVERYTHING we could to try to keep her. She has severe separation anxiety and she is agressive with children. I am five months pregnant. We went to a behaviorist, we tried medication, we went to numerous training classes... all in all I realized that I have to put my baby's saftey first. We DID find her a very good home with a close friend who is keeping up on the training classes with her and keeping her on her medication. We will still be able to see her and Buford will still be able to play with her on weekends. We feel that we did the best thing for both Senna and for us. Honestly, five months ago I would have agreed with this letter but now I now know first hand how heartbreaking it is to have to give up someone you love so much - it's very hard to see yourself being grouped with people who just don't have the time/energy to try to do everything they can to keep their pets. I think this letter makes some very unfair generalizations.

Your case is basically the same case as the family I am working with. In my minds eye, this is not a surrender or abandonment. You did not abandon your dog. You took the tough road. You saw that life was not good for either yourself or your dog and took the steps available to you to provide for your dog. That is not surrendering or abandonment. That is the ultimate in care. Like I told the lady last night, I may not have made the same decisions as her, but I was not in the same situations as she is. Yes, I would have no problem working with an out of control teenager. But then I dont have small children, I am not pregnant, my husband isnt working 60hrs a week to make ends meet.......so there is a big difference.
I know what it is like to feel like you do, trust me I know the worst of what is involved in rescue. I have held the dogs as they were euthanized for behavioral issues, all the while thinking: Should I have done more, could I have done more, could someone else have solved the problem. But in the end, I know it was the best decision for them that I could make. I can't imagine re-homing a dog being any harder than making the decision to euthanize. So truly, I understand.
But this letter isnt directed at you or people like sharon mentioned, it is for the people who consider pets disposable. People who if you tell them you wont take the dog, they drive to a far away spot and let it go.

We had a surrender case come in last week, here is a copy of the email:
"We have an abandoned male boxer he kept escaping from his yard the family that owned him will not take him back they said to call animal rescue and have him put to sleep. I refuse to do that he is very obedient. Can you help him??? " <=== that is who this letter is for! You and people like Sharon mentioned are no where near the class this guy falls in. This is what us rescue people are fed up with. People like you and like sharon are why we are in business, to help out. But remember, we get WAY more of the other kind than your kind......does create a bit of cynacism. And for that, I am truly sorry. You should be commended for attempting everything you could before you made that decision, and for ultimately making that decision. It is rough, I know!

meb999 · #9 04-13-2006, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linswatson

it's very hard to see yourself being grouped with people who just don't have the time/energy to try to do everything they can to keep their pets. I think this letter makes some very unfair generalizations.

As I mentioned before to Sharon, this letter was not directed at people in particular circumstances and I apoligize if it hurt your feelings. It wasn't directed at you or people like you who go outta their way to try and fix behavioral problems....I understand thta sometimes you don't have a choice....

Unfortunetly, like Ladyluck_t mentioned, there's a whole lot more of the 'other' kind of people who dump their dogs. This letter is more of a venting of frustrations. It's better to vent off steam in a forum like this one, then bottle it up, and give up rescue all together.

You wouldn't believe the things people say, the excuses people give for giving away their pets. My best friend is a vet tech, a lady came in with her poodle to have her put down because she was going on vacation and didn't want to pay to have her boarded.

I already wrote about the 2 boxers I went to pick up, when we told the owners on the phone that we ask for a donation for surrendering their dogs to us (esp. since they both needed to be spayed/neutered AND they had asked us to adopt them out together, since they had never been seperated -- adopting out 2 dogs takes a long time, therefor costs alot more $$) they freaked -- saying we should be happy to take them in, that they're 'pure-bred' (puppy-mill), and that they had spent enough on these two. She was swearing like a sailor. It's hard. These two dogs were NOT well cared for.

You have to understand that alot of people aren't nice like you. Just the fact that you're on a forum like this one proves that you're not the average dog owner. Most people don't give a rat's behind about their pets. Those are the people to whom I'd love to send this letter. Not you.

I'm sorry again if this thread hurt your feelings Linswatson...that wasn't the intention.

rmcbrair · #10 04-13-2006, 06:40 PM

Coincidentally, I just finished talking with a friend, and she told me a story about taking an animal to the Humane Society here in Racine. She and another friend found a cat wandering around at night; it looked like it belonged to somebody, and it looked lost, so they thought they would do a good thing and take it to the HS in case somebody was looking for it. She said the woman at the HS was incredibly rude to them. I told her the woman might have thought she was trying to dump her own cat on them without even paying the surrender fee - not that that makes her behavior right. She hadn't thought about that. But I think it is a good heads-up - she probably will never play samaritan to a stray again because of it, and this kind of behavior should be encouraged by the public, because I know if one of my dogs were lost, the HS would be my first call. She didn't find out if the stray was claimed - she was so taken aback by her experience, she didn't even want to call them. On the other hand, I do understand the frustration that people working in shelters and rescue groups must feel - the amount of irresponsibility some people show in relation to animals can be incredibly angering. I waited over six years to get my dogs until I had the right life circumstances to provide a good life to THEM, so I get really pissed off about the impulse buyers.

This is another one that made me angry last year and the kind of stuff I hate to see in animal owners: A young woman at work knew I was puppy shopping. She and her boyfriend had just gotten a puppy from a woman and told me others were available. The conversation then went like this, in a rather abbreviated form:

"What breed?"
"Bloodhound and something else. And they're only $75."
"Do they have their shots?"
"No."
"Then $75 is too much. I'm sorry, but this woman is selling mixed-breed puppies and making a profit because she was too irresponsible to get her dog spayed and then probably left her dog outside unattended while in heat."

I mean, come on, if you're going to be selling mutts (no offense against them - they can be the best!) from an accidental pregnancy, at least get the puppies their puppy shots. I would be happy to find them homes at all.

Of course, the young woman and her boyfriend broke up, and now his parents have the dog.