Not Sure How To Do This? - Page 7

xenaprincess · #73 21st December 2004, 02:32 PM

So I went to see a lawyer today and she is going to push for a motion of temporary custody until the custody issue is settled. John has been calling nonstop everyday and he has become very beligerant and hostile. He professes his love for me and his daughter and the boys, then he will ask what I have been up to and the whole conversation turns into an argument. He has called me some very hurtful names, accuses me of running around and sleeping around, and now he is threatening to prove me incompetent and have Jessica removed from my house! He's a freakin joke but I have to say, he still manages to hurt me so badly!! He has buddied up with his family who has been absent from his life for the past 3yrs. He has told them some very personnal things about our home life, such as the fact that my 13yr old son was setting small fires in his room. He burned the carpet, dresser and windowsill. It has never been anything serious enough to call the fire department, but serious enough to get him some help. This was my sons way of crying out for help. He was stressed from living in this hell we have been stuck in and that is how he reacted! However, he is seeing a fantastic counsellor and my boy is a different kid entirely since John has been gone! Well, now John and his family are saying that he poses a danger to our daughters safety and she can be removed from the house! I know it's a load of bull and I am very confident that the courts will be in my favor. I am doing all that is possible to help my kids deal with all the dysfunction that has happened in our home...because of JOHN!!! He left the cable in his name and has been threatening me daily to have it cut off. So, I called his bluff and had it disconnected yesterday and put in my name! He now owes the $300 bill he left me with!! lol I hung up on him the other night as he was calling me some very vile names! I had to unplug my phones because he wouldn't stop calling. That was at 10pm. I plugged them back in at 12:30am, as my son stayed at a friends overnight, and I prefer the phone to be connected in case of emergency. As soon as I plugged it in...it was ringing. If he continues, I am calling the police and have him charged with harrassment!
What the hell is the matter with this guy!! I am trying so hard to stay positive, and just basically survive, and he is making it all so difficult...adding to my problems and stress!! I also had a doctors appt. today with a specialist and was told that my blood results indicate an extremely high cholesterol count (norm. is 4..mine is 9.5!!) and have to take lipitrol now to get it down. He is scheduling an appt. with the heart specialist, as he says I am a heart-attack waiting to happen!! That just freaks me out because my dad died at the age of 58 from a massive heart attack. He dealt with heart disease since he was 40! I am 40!!
John is pushing me to my limits, and I am going to start getting really tough with him. He doesn't think so, but I am a hell of alot smarter than he is!! Wish me luck!

MizBev · #74 21st December 2004, 02:44 PM

Sharon,

I am wishing you all of the luck in the world. I am so sorry that you are in this situation and it does not sound like it is doing anything good for your health either. Stick to your guns and maybe.....just maybe, John will realize that you mean business. I think I would definately contact someone about the harrasement issue. You don't need to take that from him. Of course, you could try the same thing with the phone as you did with cable and disconnect and reconnect with a new number. Whatever you do, stay safe. It sounds like John has some real problems. And don't worry about what he has told his family, you know the truth and they only know the one bitter side. We are thinking of you.

Bev

Austin's Mom · #75 21st December 2004, 03:31 PM

Is it possible to change your phone number? Or just use your cell phone in case of emergency? Ya gotta try to relax! We don't want you to have a heart attack.

CC · #76 21st December 2004, 04:09 PM

Oh Sharon, I'm sorry to hear that! I'm sure it's tough for you to be dealing with so much change, and particularly during the holiday season too. I think it's probably a good idea to file a report with the police everytime one of the calls gets out of hand. Or at least keep track of it - document, document, document - just in case it ever does come down to a court discussion.

I'd also suggest that it's probably too soon to try to have a friendly relationship. Of course you probably need to talk because of your daughter, but anything outside of that is really none of his business at this point. Maybe in a year or so, when things have settled down and you've both emotionally separated more, you'll be able to be friends, but it probably won't work right now. I know it's very tempting to try to be friends - it feels like you should be able to (that was definitely the case for me) - but it really does take time to get past the past.

Take care, please, and take care of those little ones.

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

basak · #77 22nd December 2004, 01:20 AM

You know what, at times like these (when an exboyfriend start calling me names and all) I do become those names

Be the b@tch for your kids. Noone in the world needs that kind of treatment!
We're here for you. I am sending all of the female power I have in me to fight this man

basak

lafsalot · #78 22nd December 2004, 03:40 AM

Sharon, so sorry this is late, but I just came across this thread. First of all, kudos to you for finally realizing that your abusive marriage had come to impasse, and for taking the steps necessary to end the oppression.
As long as you are still taking his phone calls, it is imperative that you keep a journal of what is being said. That, coupled with counseling, can help you better understand his pattern of abuse, control, and mani;ulation.
Stay strong, and do keep us posted ~ Cathy

jray · #79 22nd December 2004, 06:14 AM

Hey girl, I'm so sorry for you! But I think you need to file the harassment now! Maybe even a restraining order too. The sooner you do the better it will be. I agree with the others you need to document everything. The courts will go in your favor if you have proof that he is harassing and threating you. He is the unstable one!

Marybeth18 · #80 22nd December 2004, 06:43 AM

Sharon,

I am so sorry that John is putting you through this! I agree with the previous posts - keep a notebook and document EVERYTHING!! I would go to family court and get a restraining order. Also, when I split up with my husband many years caller ID was a big help. That was part of my documentation - I could state that my ex called 26 times in an hour. It was a big help in court. Stay strong - take care of your health - your kids need you!!

momstaxi · #81 22nd December 2004, 07:04 AM

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this... I agree with the others document everything. I would also change your phone number. Good luck and I'll be thinking about you.

jray · #82 22nd December 2004, 07:17 AM

Oh change your number...that's good BUT make sure they don't put the "the new number is..."

xenaprincess · #83 22nd December 2004, 09:58 AM

I do have caller ID and I just went through my phone calls, and listed in a journal all the times he has called...one night was 16 times in 1 1/2 hrs and the following night was 21 times through the course of the day. There have been many times that I will not answer as he called collect a few times. I cannot afford fighting long distance on my bill!! He has been told that he can call at 7pm to ONLY talk to Jessica. I no longer take the phone when they are done talking...she hangs up!
Basak...how right you are!! He thinks I'm such a b@tch...so now I am living up to it! I am finding now that the more he annoys and harrasses me, the more I do what I have to do to protect myself and the kids! He is actually driving me to get tough instead of wasting time feeling sorry for him, so he's really doing me a huge favor...he just doesn't know it!

He is showing classic abusive behaviour! First the name calling and accusations...then he's all apologetic and says he just loves me soooo much and didn't mean to say all those nasty things! He actually tries to say it's my fault that he speaks to me like that because I make him mad!!!

I feel good that I have accomplished alot in the past few days. I have a lawyer now...custody papers are being filed...cable is now in my own name...looks like I will be moving very soon into the New Year...meeting set up to make arrangements for my 13yr old to change schools...I have MUCH more time to care for my kids the way I should without John's stress!
As for my health..I am scared about this heart stuff! I am very careful about what I eat, especially because of the GERD problem I have. I feel as though no matter how careful I am, it's beyond my control because it's genetic! BUT..at least now I can focus on my issues with a level head!

Here's to a MERRY & PEACEFUL CHRISTMAS!!

Evie&Adam · #84 22nd December 2004, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jray

Oh change your number...that's good BUT make sure they don't put the "the new number is..."

It is a good idea, but since you have kids, don't change your number without talking to your lawyer! While I know his calls are harrassing, but, at the same time, your kids still need to be in contact with their dad.