What have I done?? Retirement!

[Cami]

I'm thinking this may be long so I apologize in advance.

I have been a hair designer for 25 years (27 if you include two years of school). For the past 15 years I have been self employed. Make my own schedule, come and go as I want and all that being self employed entails. On the whole it has been a great career and I have developed close relationships with clients who have been with me for a long time. The shortest amount of time that a client has been with me currently is 10 years and most are closer to 20. Some since I was in cosmetology school! My clients have become my family.

About 10 years or so ago I started pet sitting for clients. Loved the work and eventually started my own pet sitting and dog walking business. I was getting so many referrals from hair clients that I felt that in order to be professional I needed to do it right. I did everything by the book, got insurance, certification in pet first aid and CPR, joined both national and local pet sitting organizations, etc....

The business BOOMED from the start. It really took off far more than I ever thought was possible. About a year and a 1/2 ago I hired someone to work for me. That was a great decision. And if truth be told I would like to hire 1-2 more people but I have not had any time to do so.

I have fibromyalgia and doing hair is quite painful for me. Over the years I have tweaked my hair schedule to try and compensate for the pain. Giving myself a day off (of hair) in an attempt to "recover" from my time spent behind the chair. I eventually gave up Saturdays. Then went to 3 days a week.....down to two....down to perhaps 4-6 days a month (part time hours during those days).

Pet sitting was so busy that I didn't miss the income. I work months on end without a day off (pet sitting).

About 2 years ago I started getting anxious the day before I would need to go in to the shop to do hair. This was caused by a couple of factors. One was because I was so busy pet sitting and trying to manage two schedules at once and the other was because of the pain I knew I would be in after the fact.

I started to cringe when looking at my hair schedule knowing that even though it had become very part-time I was still not up for it. I started to fantasize how it would be to NOT have to do it. I imagined opening up some time either for me just to have some time off OR to be able to work towards hiring an additional person. Having more help would certainly offer me a chance for a day off or God forbid a vacation which I have not had in nearly 18 years. YES!! I said 18 years. I have not gone on a vacation since my honeymoon. I have taken "stay-cations" and time off through the years but nothing since pet sitting (10-ish years now).

I've had internal battles with myself on a daily basis for at least the past year. I have spoken with family and friends trying to figure out what to do.

Last month I finally decided that I must give up hair. Life is too short to do something that causes you pain and wreaks havoc on your mind. It took me the better part of 3 weeks to work up enough nerve to start telling clients about my "hair retirement" once I had officially made the decision. The agony of letting people down or feeling like a failure was nearly winning. But I did it and last week was able to tell 6 clients that it would be official at years end.

I cried on the way home either out of relief that I had finally "grown a pair" or that it wasn't as bad as I had envisioned it would be. Of the 6 I told most were gracious about the news although seemed disappointed at how it would affect them. I work in a very small salon with 2 other designers and the owner is a very good friend of mine. Both have said they would welcome my clients with open arms so I am able to offer them an alternative with either person based on their personalities. I have known both designers for over 20 years and know who will be the best fit for my clients. I've tried my best to walk away knowing that they will all be in good hands if they choose to stay clients of the same salon.

I have a week off to take this all in and then will work each week for the next month telling the remaining clients who are already scheduled. Some of those will take it better than others. Some will be totally crushed. I had second thoughts for the better part of yesterday. Trying to figure out HOW I could continue to do both. I can't hire another sitter because if for some reason they would be unable to make it to a job I would have to cover for them and I can't on certain days that is always changing based on the hair schedule. I need free time in case I need to fill in. No free time to even find and hire help much less cover for them if need be.

I feel so stuck. I hate feeling like I am going to be letting people down but I am 42 years old and I feel as if my life is passing me by. I have missed out on so many things over the past few years and I regret that I have allowed my schedule to take center stage. I think you should work so that you can live not LIVE so that you can work but somewhere that got lost in translation.

I have to keep telling myself that I am making the right decision however I won't know that until it is all said and done. I feel it is time (well about 75% of me does). Hopefully the other 25% will show up soon!!

Thanks for letting me whine.

[LILYLARUE]

This must be a very hard decision, but one you have to make. And the right decision is the one that benefits you the most. You are old enough, given enough, and supported enough people that now it's time for YOU! Everyone understands, even if they are being a bit selfish and only thinking of the effects on their world. If they are close like family, they will totally support your choice. For you to have an alternative for them, and one that you personally chose, shows a great dedication to your clients. They will very much appreciate your matchup when they get settled in with the new stylist. Until then, they will worry. But YOU shouldn't!

Enjoy and do what makes you happy. IT IS YOUR TIME!

With a little time and re-thinking your life as this transition happens......remember one thing.......everything happens for a reason at the time it is meant to in a very positive way. If you sacrifice yourself to make other's happy.......this oportunity may slip away or fade in it's impact. So JUST DO IT! The rest of the world will transition with you and if you are happy in the end.......you will shine on everyone else! You may even be the catalyst in someone elses Life Choice! YOU GO GIRL!!!! FLY!

[kayboxer]

Hey, were're the same age! I think you are making the right decision. Sounds like your pet buisness makes you happy, and that's what life is about. Not that your hair stylist job didn't, but you are older now and maybe it is just time for a change in your life. You deserve time, and you need to take it now because you never know what life can bring. I salute you for having the courage to do what you are doing! No offense, but your clients can find someone else. Hair is hair, but your life, well...that's just more important! You've earned the right to some time off! I used to work for an orthopedist and we had patients come in with fibromyalgia looking for some type of help. Of course I'm sure you know they don't know what really causes it and what can fix it. Meds help, but it doesn't take away all the pain. GO ENJOY YOUR NEW FOUND BIT OF FREEDOM! And, enjoy your pet business, sounds like you are gonna enjoy this, it will just take a couple of months to get used to. Then you'll ask yourself "why didn't I do this sooner!"

[johann]

It sounds like you made the right decision, even though I'm sure it was a hard one to make. I think life changing decisions always end up with some part of yourself doubting what you've chosen.

Fibromyalgia is awful (my mom has it) and if you've found a job that doesn't cause you pain....then go for it! Pet sitting sounds like it makes you happy, which should be your highest concern.

I'm sure your hair clients will understand your decision once they have time to think about it and get settled in with a new stylist. You can't live your life to make other people happy or keep from hurting their feelings, etc. If they are truly as close as you say, then they'll understand and support your choice.

Good luck and enjoy your free time. After 18 years I think you deserve a major vacation!! Maybe starting to plan a fun trip will help you forget about the guilt for a while.

[Cami]

Thanks for all of your responses.
My dad has been wanting me to quit hair for a long time. He is really the only one (aside from my massage therapist) who realizes and believes that the fibro is real. My hubby thinks it is a bunch of poo and the pain I feel is associated with age! I don't know where he gets that from since I have had it since my 20's.
At any rate I can work an entire week pet sitting and it isn't nearly as bad as one HOUR of pain from doing hair.
No comparison really. I know I will never be pain free but why do something that will cause the pain to skyrocket to the point that I am lying on the floor in agony waiting for it to subside enough so that I can make my way to the bathroom to take a hot bath.
Seems like a no-brainer when I think of it in those terms.
I will just have to deal with the demons that are of my own doing. People had their hair done by someone else before me. There are enough hair designers to go around!
I have started making a list of things that I just haven't had enough time to do that I will get to start, finish or try when I have some free time.
I need to start taking better care of myself and the pain has been a crutch to not do so.
I don't plan on having much more free time but I can certainly take on more sitting jobs if I wanted to or hire someone like I want/need to.
With that I am heading out to walk some pooches!
Thanks again for your support.

[iluvfrankie]

Originally Posted by Cami

Thanks for all of your responses.
My dad has been wanting me to quit hair for a long time. He is really the only one (aside from my massage therapist) who realizes and believes that the fibro is real. My hubby thinks it is a bunch of poo.

My mom was diagnosed with fibro 2 years ago and her doctor totally believes in it...while one day her regular doctor was off and she saw her partner in the surgery who proceeded to tell her it was all in her head!!

Also u are 42- associated with your age is rubbish!

I see my mom dealing with it every day and its very much real! Ur hubby would feel different if he had to deal with it for the day! MEN!!

At least u have ur little dog to give u some support!

[johann]

Originally Posted by Cami

Thanks for all of your responses.
My dad has been wanting me to quit hair for a long time. He is really the only one (aside from my massage therapist) who realizes and believes that the fibro is real. My hubby thinks it is a bunch of poo and the pain I feel is associated with age! I don't know where he gets that from since I have had it since my 20's.

.

Fibromyalgia is finally starting to be recognized as an actual physical condition....instead of people being told "its all in your head", etc. I think its easy for someone who's not in chronic pain to say "how bad can it really be" because its hard to imagine always hurting.

I know a few people who got a lot of pain relief with cymbalta (anti-depression med) when it was added to their regular medications. Something about how it interferes with pain receptors in the brain to decrease the chronic pain of fibromyalgia.

[Cami]

I have tried Cymbalta when it first came on the market. It actually did offer some relief from the pain however it was short lived and terribly expensive even with insurance!
You name it I have tried it. Lexapro was good at a certain strength for a few months and then it would have to be increased. That got old too.
Thought about trying the newer Lyrica however the side effects are said to be brutal (per fibro group I am a member of) and I pretty much already suffer from them and don't want them to get worse. LOL
I know what my triggers are for the most part (still get surprised occasionally) and do my best to avoid them hence getting rid of the associated pain from doing hair.
I take plenty of supplements in an attempt to gain some relief and do well with the added magnesium and omega 3's. I also get massages bi-weekly and see my chiro quite often as well. Good thing I watch their pets in trade!
It is what it is and I am used to even though I don't like it.

[laneysmom]

You go girl! Life is too short to waste. Do what makes you happy and painfree. I can tell you are very conscientuous about your hair salon by your concern for your clients. They will be fine and adjust. You should not have to do a job that makes you physically ill. No one should. You just enjoy your pet business! It makes you happy and does not take a toll on your health. I wish you the best. MORE POWER TO YOU!