how would I address this without causing family conflicts?

[Shanz]

Ive posted a few times here about how Im babysitting my 4 y/o niece for about 2 months. for reference on things you can read these 2 posts if youd like

4 y/o eats so much! is it normal?
bad start to my day and Ive only been awake for 34 minutes kinda long

Im starting to get very fed up with this whole situation. It seems as though her parents just dont give a crap. My niece (Mackenzie) got here today at 8:53 as soon as she walked into the living room, I knew right away her hair hadnt been brushed this morning so just to be sure, I asked her if her mom brushed her hair this morning and she said no. So I told her that she has to tell mommy to brush her hair before she comes here. At exactly 9 o'clock, she asked me for cereal so i asked her if she had breakfast and she said yes but she didnt have cereal she only had a sandwich. So I told her if shes still hungry shes allowed to ask her Mom for food.

I went into the kitchen to get her cereal and told my dad Im glad ill be done this in 2 more weeks. And he said him and My Mom were talking about them last night and how mad my Mom was because the day before that my nephew Ron (mackenzies brother) was at my other newphew Blakes bday party and it was a sleepover. Well SIL didnt send a change of clothing for Ronnie for the next day, and of course the clothes the day before got dirty because its a bunch of boys.. at a bday party. So he was forced to wear Blakes pyjamas because thats all that fit him. My dad said I cant be mad at Mackenzie because they dont let her do anything at home. But they obviously dont seem concerned that she has some sort of eating problem.

Shes already had a bad start to school from what Ive seen babysitting her this 6 weeks. She starts school at 12:45 well 3/4 of the times shes been picked up her was at 12:45--so shes either late then or she doesnt end up going to school. Wednesdays are my brothers days off so he keep sher home from school.

It just bugs me that they dont seem to care about what their kids look like or wether theyre fed. Im not being biased because hes my brother, but I always know when my brother has dressed her because her clothes are decent looking and clean and her hair is brushed. He always makes sure theyre fed. SIL doesnt seem to do much of that. I mean last week mackenzie had a ring of dirt around her neck. it was disgusting

How could I adress these problems Im having with them to them? Im not a confrontational person but I really am getting fed up with this. Or should I just wait until im done babysitting and not ever off to do it again. When my sister babysits them at her house, she makes sure they both have a bath at her house. Im taking mackenzie shopping next friday for her bday and Im buying her an outfit and new socks and underwear. There was a point where shed come with underwear too small or too big for ehr or holey or even DIRTY and my mom would go out and buy new underwear.. and her and nephew NEVER wore socks. Its not a good thing when you have relatives feeling sorry for your kids. beause that is exactly whats happening. Me, my mom, dada, 2 sisters and even my 15 y/o niece feel sorry for them and cant help but be mad at brother and SIL.

it really is a disgusting situation. This has turned out a bit longer than I planned to write and ims orry. But i really need some advice on this because Im getting VERY fed up.

[Austin's Mom]

I know this may sound harsh, but maybe an annonymous call to Child Protective Services may be in order. Obviously these kids aren't being properly cared for. Or how about talking to your brother since he seems to be the one parent who actually cares about his kids. They don't need to be growing up like that. I hope you can find a way to help them out, you seem like a very caring Aunt.

[K8IE]

Shanz, I am so sorry that you are having to witness all this. I can tell you love your neice and you hate to see her suffering. And she IS suffering. There is no excuse for a child to be hungry all the time (unless her parents cannot afford to feed her, in which case they could seek assistance from the state or something) or for a child to be dirty and have dirty clothes on that don't fit or have holes in them. Unfortunately I don't think anything short of a family intervention will get results. They obviously see nothing wrong with letting their child be dirty and hungry all the time, or they would be doing something about it. It makes me so sad to read your post, because it makes me think of the way my DH was raised, (I am sure you have read about this), he was beaten, neglected, never had anything new or nice and was just plain not taken care of because his parents were lazy and selfish. I am not saying that this is exactly the case with your brother or SIL, but they are not doing what they are required to as good parents. A parent has to see to at least their child's most basic needs. Food, water, shelter, clothing, etc.... Children at that age cannot be expected to groom themselves properly yet, or to bathe themselves well, or to wash their own clothes. My son is 5 and still needs help to get clean in the bath and to pick out clothes, etc. I think your best bet is to sit down with your mom and any other family members that are concerned and figure out the best way to approach your brother and/or SIL about the way they are treating their children. Again, I am sorry you are dealing with this, I know it is stressful for you, anything to do with family always is.... Good luck!

[lafsalot]

Perhaps you and the rest of the family can tactfully approach your brother with your concerns However, I would immediately insist that the mother come inside the next time she drops off and/or picks up your neice. Dropping her off at the curb without waiting to see that she is safely inside is totally irresponsible. I would also ask your SIL to pack some snacks for her since she seems especially hungry every time she is at your house. I know that you only have two more weeks, but those kids desperately need some intervention ~ Cathy

[littleone]

Shanz,

I read this post and the threads you posted before about your concerns with both your niece & nephew. I don't have skinkids, but, I do have nieces, nephews and godkids and try to see them as often as I can. I noticed you mentioned your niece has a big appetite and goes to the bathroom a lot. Does she actually use the toilet or does she just mess around in there? If she's urinating a lot and has a big appetite as well with no weight gain, it could be a sign of something like diabetes. It could also just be the norm for a young child with a high activity level and metabolism. I am also of the opinion that her behaviors are that of a needy child - needy for attention, love, care, etc. I agree with the other posters, it might be a good idea for a few members of the family to try to have a gentle talk with your brother about the concerns you all share about the children. He sounds like he cares about his kids, but, he can't be there all of the time and is under some pressure now with his longer work hours.

Good luck, please let us know how it works out,

Penny

[Shanz]

Well we at first thought that she was playing around, but she has a habit of leaving the bathroom door open while she goes...so yeah she does go while shes there