Question for the men???

[kelseighgirl]

Originally Posted by 2BoxersnOhio

I'm reminded of this now....

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 to flip someone off!

So there ya go! Food for thought

OH What a beautiful thing!!! I am so bad at..."showing people my tall man"
( a friend of mine who has 2 small boys at the time was blessed with such a wonderful addiction too that she would tell the boys that she was showing people her tall man...since "that" finger is the tallest one....)

[Silverstar]

I know you don't know me from Eve. But my advise is the same as many, it is just not worth the emotional rollercoaster.

I have not been married, but I was engaged. LONG engagement (4 years) dated for 2 years. I convinced myself that I was happier with him, that he made me a better person and even made him to be a great man like my father.

He cheated on me and tried to blame it on me. Did the same thing as your husband ... yelled and picked fights over the stupidest things (emotional abuse, is what I call it now). I believe it was his way to make it easier when he left (blame it on me). Finally he did leave. And I still cried and wondered what I did. He had met a girl ... and by girl I mean girl (17). Soon after he left he thought he wanted to make a go of it again. I found out (next day) that he told the girl he was working late, she found out that he wasn't. Anyway......lots of screaming later and the support of friends, I took what was mine and left him behind forever.

However, if he had asked me to (even a year later) I would have taken him back. I thought I had enough love and devotion for the both of us. I was mistaken. My belief now, is he wanted his cake and to eat it too. I too will not settle for anything less than what I deserve (yes still single). It's tough, and no one is saying it's not. But, by the sound of it he is stinging you along until he decides what he is going to do. And that is not fair. You may think that you need him now and are happier with him, but like many of us have learned....you can be just as happy or even happier without him.

Because when you find your "soulmate" like Dan has (and I am waiting for).....it is a beautiful thing. There is a reason for everything, even heartache. Who knows....you might find your great love...over the "rainbow"

[Clover's Mom]

Well I was doing so good yesterday - I even invited one of the single men from our office out to get sushi with my friend and myself - had a great time...went home, started reading a book...then watched a little TV...played with Clover...then went to bed, didn't pay any attention to Daniel - woke up around 1am to go to the restroom, and there he is having "you know what" on the phone...I was stunned..so I go back into the bedroom and sit there for hours..finally it's time to get ready for work, I go out to the living room and just say "next time you plan on having "you know what", please wait till I"m gone or don't do it in the common areas" - he then proceeded to point blame on me, and says he had been considerate he close my door, oh well thank you for being so concerened about me hearing you, when I wake up to go to the restroom evernight and he was in the livingroom on the couch!...so needless to say I was awwstruck!!! I was so embarrassed that we haven't been intimate in months, and there he is doing this with some girl he just met online, and the fact that he had the nerve to do it while I was there, or even at all! I couldn't believe it - so my "detective" personality stepped in, at lunch today I went home and looked at the history on the computer, and I don't even know how to say this, it makes me sick, he has been looking at transgender females websites, and even '"sex in peru" - gay' (that is exactly what he typed into google), so I know this is bad, but I sign on as him on his yahoo messenger and look at that history, and I about fainted...first I should say I'm a firm believer in live your life however you want, I don't discriminate between gays, bi's - or anything, but if that's teh case he's been lying to me for a LONG time now...so anyway he had been writing to a friend about how he has been fantizing about have sex with a "tranny", and wants to dominate a women or I don't know, and gets bored with sex and likes it kinky and wants to be with someone who has low self-esteem, and wants to be used, wants a women he can tie up....I know I don't know any of you and you are all probably wondering why the H#LL I'm typing this, but I dont' know who else to turn to...I don't know what to do- I did burn all of this onto a CD so he can't deny any of it, not sure if that was smart but...it's all such a shock. I feel so sick...I'm currently looking for a place, but in Southern California it's hard to find a place that is 1.) cheap 2.) accepts a dog...
Really who is this person...what is wrong with him....sorry if I was graphic or offended anyone I tried to take most of the "bad" stuff out, but didn't know what else to do.

[MacFish]

I agree. Consult a lawyer and then change the locks.

Why should you have to leave the life you are accustomed to? He wants the change not you.

[Shotze's Mom]

Wow. Um, yeah, I dont know how your doing it. Your stronger than me is all I can say. I would have felt disrespected, embarassed, repulsed and sickened if I had walked in on that. He should at least have enough respect for you to conduct his "buisness" elsewhere. Maybe suggest a shrink to help him with his confusion and desires. I dont know your situation, but if I had been married to a man for years and found out he was wanting same-sex experiences, Id be heartbroken and demand to know his reasoning and why in the hell he married me in the first place. He could have saved you alot of tears and agony. Maybe Im out of line here, but Ive been through being cheated on. Ive asked myself all the questions. Im here to say, its never your fault. My first husband and I had relations almost nightly, so it wasnt a "lack-off" that caused his cheating. Some men are just dogs.
I agree that maybe HE should be the one to leave. He is the one looking for something different. I would have also talked on his messenger just to find out what exactly is going on. Wouldnt he be suprised when he logged back on. lol Of course, when it comes to relations of the heart I can be very cruel and hurtful if need be. My saying is, " You hurt me once, shame on you. You hurt me twice shame on me." Lay down some ground rules for your living arrangement and be firm and strict in them. Never waver. Also, I dont know how much you are caring for his needs, but bring ANY help you give him to a stop. No cleaning up after him, no cooking for him, no doing his clothes...nothing. And chin-up, there ARE good men left in this world.


One other thought....require a password upon sign-in on windows. That way the PC is locked and he cant use it to "fullfill his desires".

[Austin's Mom]

I have to agree with Shotze's Mom. It's not your fault what he does. If he cheats HE chooses to cheat. Even Dr. Phil says it's never your fault. Sounds like this guy has some serious issues, and you need to get away from him. No need to feel embarassed, we're all here for you.

[Orionsmomma]

Hon, I just read your posts, and I'm so sorry. I don't have any advice for you that's any different than anyone else's. I just wanted you to know that I'll keep you in my thoughts. It'll all turn out for the best in the end. Orion sends puppy kisses and hugs.

O's Mom - Keena

[DanCat]

Ahhh this reminds me of a song...how's it go??? " Somewhere...over the rainbow!!!!!!" Gee did I call it??? Sorry to say that. Get away from him.

[frankied]

Do consult a lawyer and YOU should be the one staying in the house and HE should be leaving. I agree with changing the locks. There are no words for that guy.

Hugs (((())))) we are here for ya.

Christa

[Rowdy's Dad]

Do what you want about the house, but get away from this guy quickly before he hurts you. In the future, keep your number unlisted and don't let him know where you live or who you live with. Change your cell phone # now and make sure he can't get it. Call a lawyer ASAP and make an extra copy of that disk for safe keeping and give it to a friend that doesn't know your husband. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. We'll keep you in our prayers.

Donald

[Madison's Mom]

PM me. I have walked in your shoes and lived in your house! You need to talk with someone that has been through exactly what you are going through and come out on the other side still alive. My "stuff" is too embarrassing to post for all to see, I still can't believe all the "stuff" my exhusband was doing. I have paid dearly for his addictions.

Look up the meaning of passive aggressive behavior and I'm sure you will find Dan in the description, I found my ex's name in it
Do not give him the upper hand by leaving your home because you will be sorry in the long run. You need to file for divorce and get a restraining order immediately. Protect yourself and your assets because he's not going to be looking out for you.

The turning point for me getting out of my marriage was when my psychologist asked me what I would do if a flaming arrow was coming straight at my head. And because I'm a fixer type personality I said, try and stomp it out. He said, most people are smart enough to run like h$LL. He told me run and run fast because I wasn't going to be able to help my marriage and that eventually I would kill myself trying! He was so right, it's almost funny now that I look back on it.

If you need me then just PM me. My thoughts and prayer are with you.

Tammy

[JennieWI]

Madison's Mom sounds right on. I recommend you PM her.