Problems in Friendship--needing advice LONG

[Ali_Crazy]

To start I want to apologize if this is long and kind of jumpy, but the situation is just really hard to explain, but I need some advice and need to know if I done the right thing, and what better place than BW to vent !
Last weekend a bunch of couples went to a party at a friends house. My BF and me went out to the party w/ another couple that we had been good friends w/ for the past year of so now. They have been married for 7 years. Everyone except me a few other girls had been drinking and everyone was just having a good time. Towards the end of the night everyone was sitting around the fire just talking. Well my BF and a few other ppl went in the house for something and left me, the husband(Jason) of the couple we came out there with and another couple. Well Jason kinda scooted his chair close to mine and was telling me a story and I just kinda kept scooting back, and he just kept touching my leg. Then he went on to make the comment "I wish I wasn't married and I wish you wasn't with my best friend" After he made that comment I just got up because I felt disrespected and he disrespected my BF (his supposed best friend) and Jessie (his wife). As I was walking off he said Don't say nothing to Jessie or Patrick!
As soon as I got up and went in the house to find my BF. I wasn't for sure if I was gonna tell him or not. I knew that it would start some major problems, but my BF knows me better than anyone so he knew something was up. So I went ahead and told him what happened. He told me that it didn't suprise him and that he was suprised that it hadn't happened before now. Come to find out Jason had been fired from a job once before for sexual harrassment.
A few days later me and my BF was talking to Jessie and she was telling us how she was planning on leaving Jason and the she had so much dirt on him and that she was just fed up with him and couldn't take it anymore. We ended up telling her what happened over the weekend and she told me that she felt sorry for me and that she believed me and not to worry because she knew how jason was, and that she wouldn't even let him know that she knew.
Well the next day she confronted Jason and saying that she was leaving him and the whole reason behind it was because of the comment he made to me!! Of course he denied it and call up my bf saying that he was gonna beat my a** because I was trying to break up their marrige and all this and that.
Now somehow Jason has convinced Jessie that he didn't say it and now she hates me, because of something her husband did! And now my BF and his best friend are fighting constantly because Patrick believe me and not Jason.
I'm just wondering if I done the right thing by telling my BF. I feel that if I would have just kept my mouth shut everything would be just fine! I love my bf w/ all my heart and would never lie to him about anything and it just felt wrong my not telling him. And if I wouldn't have told him and somehow he found out about what he said he probably would be made at me because he probably would think I was trying to hide something!
Sorry this is so long but what does everyone else think I should've done???

[Scrapper's Mom]

I agree that with Camille; just avoid these people, they have taken their anger for each other and turned it against you. But, in future situations, yes, I would definitely tell your BF and just avoid them from then on, but try to not go further and get involved with third parties' relationship problems. Sadly, this seems to happen a lot. All of a sudden their problems are YOUR fault. Remember, to use a metaphor, it's pretty hard to put the toothpaste back in the tube once it's been squeezed. There's always the possibility that they will reconcile and then they will blame you from then on.

[VTbxrFan]

That's a tough situation to be in. First, I think you need to not beat yourself up about and not question whether telling your BF was the right thing to do or not - if that's what you felt was the right thing considering your relationship, then it was the right thing to do. Keeping a good relationship for yourself is more important than keeping secrets to preserve another person's relationship.

So my advice is don't second guess yourself for what has already happened, but look at the situation as it now stands and figure out what, if anything, you want to do about it. In the short term, it might be best to just let things lie for a little while and see how things shake out. It sounds like this relationship has been having problems for a while now. Sometimes it's hard for people to recognize that a relationship is failing and they want to blame someone else, but eventually they realize the truth. It very well might be that in a few days, weeks, or months, this couple will realize that no one else is to blame for the problems in their relationship. If they want to continue to blame you, cut your losses and move on. You and your boyfriend don't need a friendship with people who are would rather lie and backstab to cover their own mistakes than maintain an honest friendship.

I hope you feel better about things soon. It sounds like a really crummy situation to be caught in the middle of.

[ariane]

Originally Posted by FarleyBoxer

You have just become a scapegoat. I would absolutely tell my BF if something like that happened.
I would just forget these folks and not hang out with them anymore.

Camille

i agree 100%. they don't sound like particularly good friends... to either your boyfriend or yourself. i would also tell dh if something like that happened. trust is important in a relationship... and it's not your problem if this crazy couple doesn't have any (and for good reason, i'm sure!)....

~ariane

[Scorpio]

You did the right thing. Wait for awhile and let it all calm down. Everyone right now is up tight. The couple is having trouble with their marraige, stay away for now. Its better your BF know from you than to see something or hear it from someone else.

[Ali_Crazy]

Thank you for all your kind words and support. It's nice to know that there are other ppl out there who would do what I did! We have decided to just seperate ourselves from them. No need to bring down our relationship because of theirs. Thanks again!

Ashley

[megan313]

I would without-a-doubt tell my husband about anything like that. We dont have ANY secrets. And it sounds like your BF backs you on this anyway. Some friends of ours put us in a situation kind of like this awhile ago

((my husbands best friend was cheating on his girlfriend for a long time, they got in a fight, and the girlfriend called my husband and specifically asked if he had been cheating on her, my husband said, yes, and left it at that. The girlfriend was really upset, but ran to her boyfriend and told him what was said, so then my husband's "bestfriend" threatened to beat his a**...after about a year, things cooled off, and he was even in our wedding!))

My husband and I are young (21) but we have never missed the drama from highschool stuff, and really stay away from couples who cant live normal, committed lives.

most importantly, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! your friend will soon find out that he's doing this to everyone else they know, since im sure it was a HUGE 'rush' for him to try to hit on you...its almost a sickness.

[marvie]

honey you did the right thing in telling your bf and for telling your friend... it wouldnt have did your mind or heart any good holding that inside.... be glad you let your situation and feelings be known... you really did do what you needed to do.. your friend will wise up even more in time and she will know that you didnt lie about it.. seems like they always shoot the messenger dont they... but you did the right thing if my hubby was cheating on me or even hinting about it and my friend knew it.. i would be hurt if she didnt tell me.. but there are those people out there who always blame the person who told it.... dont punish your self any more over it... know that you were honest and did what was best for all involved ... special prayers for you from lylah and me coming your way.. hang in it will all work out

[Kim Ranard]

I totaly agree!!! If my hubby was acting lke that I would be very upset if I found out that no one told me. It sounds like your "friend" needs to wake up and smell the coffee!! What dose she think you have to gain from telling her something like that if it wasnt true?

[LeahR]

I can relate as I wnet through this with my best friend of 15 years......

First of all these people have larger problems than even you can begin to tell/guess. I think you did the absolute right thing by telling your BF, why let their problems become an honesty and open-ness problem in your own relationship. You can't second guess yourself now as far as telling "her" but if it is one lesson I've learned over the years it is never get involved in others relationships cause most of the time you WILL end up being the"scapegoat" and lose your friendships. I know people say that "they would want you to tell them" but just like alcoholism and other additctions, only the two involved can work out their problems by admiting there is a problem. I wouldn't feel bad though, you tried and may have done the right thing, they had problems long before you told her the truth that she already knew!!!! Remember, when a relationship is in trouble the easiest way out for those in trouble is to find someone else to blame for that trouble!!!


P.S. if she was ever truly your friend, give it time, give her time to deal with what she knows is the truth and HOPEFULLY either leave his cheating butt or seak counseling to correct/help their obvious problems. She will get over being mad at the world ( and you) and put proper blame where it should be. If she chooses to stay with him then knowing what you know, it would be difficult to be friends with them anyhow and could cause issues in your own relationship. Hand in there!