Vent

elgerdes · #1 20th January 2012, 10:10 AM

In the past month, I have kind of been all over the place. School, Zoe, family issues, being sick, wedding arrangements that I haven't posted in a while. Mostly just lurking lol.

But I have to vent on my fiancé. He is driving me nuts over finding a venue for the wedding. We won't need to book till spring (~18 months advance) but we have been looking. Let me re-phrase that, I have been looking. I don't mind being the one to find the place or research the crap, but all he has done is criticize. Any place I suggest, there is something wrong. Too big, too small, outdated, not the right "feel." I mean c'mon! I DO want his opinions, but don't knock everything I put on the table if you aren't willing to contribute something yourself. We are trying to find somewhere that doesn't kill us budget wise, so finding a nice AND affordable place has been difficult. I have put at LEAST 15 places on our list, and not one of them has he not criticized

Totally don't get it either, because normally he's not like this. TBH, normally he has no strong opinions to begin with.

Ok, vent done.

cantfindlog · #2 20th January 2012, 11:57 AM

That sucks

Maybe you need to ask him what he is looking for or maybe he is nervous about the money to be spent or that it's really "real" now.

It isn't about how big or beautiful the reception hall is, it's about the memories that will be made and having a lasting marriage. If all your family and friends are around you it really doesn't matter what the place looks like because if it's filled with love for the two of you any place you are will be beautiful.

One thing I know for sure is: I wanted a lasting marriage and not a big showcase wedding. I wanted everyone to have fun..and boy they did and to remember and be close with everyone in our wedding party and we still are as I had all family and only one friend. None of that 10 couple wedding parties for me. Too much of a headache!

Good luck

planning is a pain sometimes.

Gatorblu · #3 20th January 2012, 04:55 PM

Breathe! I know planning a wedding is A LOT of work. I would sit down and talk a little more to your fiance about what kind of place he wants and see how that fits into what you want. Also think a bit out side the norm. My BIL got married last year and put a deposit down on some hall that held a lot of receptions. It was a little small and a bit dated, but was in their budget. Then a few days later someone mentioned to them the Home Builders Assoc. Hall. (Who would have thought of there?) The hall was updated, the landscaping was emmaculate. After all these people do build and sell houses, so they have to look like they know what they are doing. Plus it was less expensive! They booked that instead, and got there other deposit back. I don't know where you live, or what is available around you but try looking for "different" venues.

Lisa H · #4 20th January 2012, 08:11 PM

We took 14 friends and family and went to Mexico and got married on the beach 2 years ago...no stress or drama. Had one heck of a Jimmy Buffet style reception when we returned for those that did not attend!

prittiegirl · #5 21st January 2012, 12:00 AM

Hello lurker!

I'd say that a little chat is in order with the fiance... I'd do what was suggested, see what he's looking for, if it's a money thing and let him know that you are finding it frustrating to be shot down on every venue when you aren't sure where he's going with everything...

Hopefully he will be receptive and you will be able to move on in a positive way that has you still remembering that you love him!

elgerdes · #6 3rd February 2012, 07:42 AM

Thanks for all the encouragement

On January 21st, my grandma passed away unexpectedly. This devastated me and my family, including my fiancé. Everyone loved her so much. Not only do I feel dumb for worrying about such trivial things, but during that time I could have been calling my grandma, thinking about her or something. But that is time I will never get back. Her death has refocused me and my fiancé. We have been very harmonious lately, and we owe it to her.

So lesson I have to pose to my BW friends: Don't sweat the small stuff. Realize that your loved ones are humans, and human life is fragile. I let my own so called "priorities" trump my relationship with my Nana (what we called her). I have regretted that EVERY DAY. But I also know she was excited for planning the wedding, and we have since decided that she would want us to continue to plan. She loved flowers, and we have decided to say our vows in a garden (my fiancé was apprehensive, but he knows my strong ties to wanting this).

I just wanted to share this, and to show the pettiness of my issues. Not a vent, just sharing a very hard's life lesson I learned.

Roge · #7 3rd February 2012, 09:57 AM

I am so for the loss of you Nana I lost mine 5 yrs ago she was 96 when she passed she had a stroke and we were all so used to her bouncing back that we sort of expected her to do it again, I still miss her she had a fantastic sense of humour and in her mind id say she was still 40.

Planning your wedding will be one of the most stressfull things you will ever do if you let it get on top of you,I know we all want the day to be very special and a lot of time and money goes into it but you have your family and close friends around you on the day and if things are not just spot on who cares just remember that it is all about the happy couple not the venue or the flowers or the meal its about celebrating the best day of your life with the ones you love.

Your issues were not petty every bride to be gets into the same tissie,you just want it to be a perfect day and im sure it will be.

johann · #8 3rd February 2012, 11:36 AM

I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I'm sure she is proud of you for realizing that is most important in life and would want you to continue to plan the wedding. My DH's mother passed away suddenly a few years before our wedding. During the ceremony and reception, we had a chair with a nice chair covering, bouquet of her favorite flowers, and a picture of her with DH. We put this in the row with our parents during the ceremony and then at the parent's table during the reception.

Gatorblu · #9 3rd February 2012, 12:57 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Don't fret too much about not calling your Nana at that time. If you had she would have heard the frustration in your voice and I'm sure that would have been hard for her. We all know are grandparents want us to have perfect days everyday, that is why they are so good at spoiling grandchildren. I am glad that you and your fiance are getting more even keeled about the plans. I was fortunate as I had so little time to plan mine that my dh basically said tell me when and where and I'll be there. The only thing he asked was that I changed the colors I originally picked. they were the same ones that his first wife picked. So I had no problem there. Try to remember to take time out from planning and spend a weekend here or an evening there with your fiance where wedding plans are off limits and just enjoy one another and remember why you are getting married to each other to begin with.