Inlaws paying for overseas holiday

[kt_brandy]

we had a family lunch on sunday at the inlaws and fil says he is going to give the 3 boys an airline ticket and some spending money to go overseas with them next year - to Europe to go skiing and we would only need to come up with enough cash to pay for me and a bit more spending money. now my problem is hubby desparatley wants to go i know he does but so do i but
1) who will look after the furkids (inlaws usually do but they are all going)
2) it will be the height of summer here and when tigger is most likely to relapse with his meninigitis so whoever looks after them must know the signs of a relapse and medicate him
3) we can't put them into kennels because of tiggers meninigitis because he can't be vaccinated for any of the nasties that he could catch in the kennels
4) Hubby and should have lost enough weight by January for me to go back onto ivf which i dont want to put on hold any longer as i'm 38 and the older i get past 38 the harder to have a success and what ever weight i can get down to by then will have to be enough

so i've told hubby to go with his family and have fun and i will stay home with the dogs - i can't ski so i'd be alone for that part of the holiday anyway but we would then have gone to denmark (thats where the inlaws are originally from), germany, austria and switzerland, but we couldn't do both the holiday and ivf, hubby said that he'd have to bring back some serious jewellery for me (i love jewellery the more the better) if he went, he wants to go so badly but wants me to go too - i want to go to but in anyother season other than winter.

so we have a bit of a problem now, i think its great of the inlaws to offer this but makes it hard for us, i want that baby more than a holiday and so does hubby but he is finding hard to say he will go without me, i'm to a point where i won't be going because of the points above but i think he should, would you guys tell your hubby to go?

the other rant is the inlaws actually know all of the above facts and actually said there are times you won't both be able to do everything together - which hurt, they seem to think he should go with out me but its an oversea's holiday and i love to travel - its so expensive to get anywhere from australia because we're so far away, i think it's a bit unfair of them to expect hubby to go without me, or am i being selfish because i want to go as well?

sorry this is a book but i am a little confused.

[Xander's Mom]

Ok, why was the invite for only the '3 boys'? Was that a rude 'thing'? Or did you already tell them about the dogs, and other situations and decline?

I personally think this is a matter that only you can answer-HOWEVER be HONEST w/ Hubby! B/c whatever the decision, you may feel remorse. Either Hubby goes and you wanna be there with him-or he doesn't and you feel like you've 'held him back'. You sound like you are in a tough spot sweets...Good luck either way.

[kt_brandy]

no the invite was to me as well but hubby and i would have to pay - what ever they give one son the give the others so if we got $2500 for airfare then the other two would get the same and we would have to pay the difference for me to go. but i do think they thought i wouldn't go because i cant ski and thats the part of the holiday they want to share together.

[kt_brandy]

Originally Posted by Xander's Mom

be HONEST w/ Hubby! B/c whatever the decision, you may feel remorse. Either Hubby goes and you wanna be there with him-or he doesn't and you feel like you've 'held him back'. You sound like you are in a tough spot sweets...Good luck either way.

i think i'm ok with him going skiing and bringing me back the jewellery (he can stop over in Dubai - good quality and alot cheaper gold) i guess he just has to get past feeling guilty if he goes and i don't but by then i could be pregnant anyway and wont want to be on a plane anyway.

i dont want to stop him going skiin i know how much he loves it and i cant ski so it's prefect for him and just wants me to see demark,austria etc but i have said when can always go together later but i know he's thinking if we were to go now its really only 1/2 price for us its just so hard

[Boxer Babies]

well,

what a sticky situation. I agree with all the points you made, they are very valid. My hubby and I are in agreeance that we can have no holidays together until Thai has passed, with his condition (unless they come with us). I wouldnt want to go either and like you said, you hopefully will be pregnant by then so will have a bigger priority.

I can understand your situation. If it was me, and this is only my opinion, I would really work to let hubby know that its ok for him to go and enjoy himself. I guess to try to make him feel less guilty about going. Buy him a video camera and tell him you can share the adventure when he comes home...oh and dont forget the jewellery...and lots of it!

I know that doesnt go far to help you, because I know you want to go too. But sometimes we have to make these sacrifices in life and sometimes they turn out to be for the best, even though we cant see it at the time.

another idea just to confuse things even more... could you board him at the vet? I know that will cost a bit but it will give you peace of mind.

Anyway, I could always go for you...lol.

Let us know what you decide.

[lafsalot]

You do not sky anyway, and if you did go, how well would you be able to enjoy the trip worrying (and rightfully so) about your furbaby relapsing, especially since he cannot be boarded at the vets? Even if you found a well qualified person to babysit for your furbaby, what would you do if they reportedly told you that he was starting to show symptoms while you were away? Tough situation to be in, but I think I would ultimately opt to stay home. Keep us posted ~ Cathy

[x19er]

To be honest I think it's a bit weird your in-laws offering to pay for their 3 presumably grown up sons to go on holiday with them. Fair enough going on a family holiday but you are also part of the family - and expected you to find the cash so you can be included seems unfair and puts you in a difficult position. I don't think your being selfish at all - the two of you are a team and got married to be together not to go on holiday apart! None of us can tell you what to do but I think trying for IVF and worrying about Tigger's health are more important than a holiday - be honest with your DH too - no point saying your happy for him to go if your going to feel miserable about it before, during and after he's been away. Hope you can come to a decision - good luck.

[lafsalot]

OOPS, that should have be "ski", not "sky" ~ Cathy

[punchinella]

I agree with x19er. I think it's rude to invite their sons and then tell you to pay your own way. I can't imagine my husband's family doing that to us. You are part of his family now, and should be treated as such. If going on holiday is going to interfere with starting a family, (and it's important to you) then I can't imagine why your husband would choose to go with them. There will be plenty of time for trips and vacations later. I'm sorry, but I find the way your in-laws have handled this to be very petty and inconsiderate. I'd tell my husband he'd better get his priorities straight.

[kt_brandy]

ok i should also add that they (inlaws)have said that they would give us the cash(whatever amount they other 2 get for airfares) to do whatever we want if we/hubby decided not to go overseas with them. so my first thought was great we'll take the cash and bank it - it may come in handy if i do manage to fall pregnant - hubby said bank the cash for a holiday later on so i guess thats another option as well because the inlaws will look after the dogs no problem mil is a nurse although i would still worry over tigger because we can't get it through fil head that tigger is not able to go for walks especially in the heat and his playing with brandy is all the exercise he can handle and sometimes not even that.

my other thought about inlaws wanting the boys on holidays is that fil is 75yrs and prob, won't be skiing for that much longer (although with him who knows he is so fit and healthy) and wants one last holiday with the kids who are all in their 30's now, they did it last year and went to whistler in canada, we owed them some money as they paid for some repairs to hubbys bike even though we said we didn't want to spend it they went ahead with it at our expense but thats a whole another thread so they wiped the debt last year and gave bil's the same amount and they used it for airfares and met up with inlaws in whistler- hubby was a bit disappointed he couldn't go then so i'm worried he might be again.
x19er
i dont have any probs with the amount they are giving us because what one son gets the other 2 get at the same time so thats not a problem its fair, but youngest bil is in the same boat he has a live in girlfriend and they haven't even mentioned her although she wouldn't go has she has custody of her younger sister and would have no one to look after her.

poor hubby is at a loss as to what to do he knows i'm ok if he goes but of course he wants to holiday with me but also knows there wont be many skiing holidays because i can't ski tried on our honeymoon had lessons and still spent most of the time on my backside so it would be a good chance for him to have some fun having someone to ski with because it won't happen when the kids come along. i guess in the long run it's his choice i'm fine either way and we will plan the ivf around the holiday you usually have a month in between attemps anyway so that month will be when he's overseas if he goes.

i guess i justed wondered if i was being selfish or if anyone else thought the inlaws were being a bit weird when they know all we have to go through next year.