Help..will my puppy become mean

jakesmom001 · #1 09-14-2006, 10:16 AM

I think my stepson is being mean to Thor. Thor is four months old and has earned the privilege (not pottying in the house) of extended play times in the living area. My issue is whenever my stepson (he's 14 and lives with us) is in the same room and Thor goes by him he gets Thor on his back and holds him down, he withholds toys from Thor and I noticed this morning the kitchen bar stool's legs were on top of Thors water bowl and he wouldn't be able to put his head in there to drink. The other day he was holding him down and Thor tried to bite him and he spanked Thor. I told him never to spank him and to stop holding him down. He still does it. I'm concerned that my stepson is going to ruin my sweet puppy and he's going to grow to either dislike him or possibly not like kids at all. Thor is my dog and he's with me most of the time. I take him to work and just about everywhere I go, but there are times I can't take him. I can't be sure he's doing it out of meanness though. My stepson is very, very immature and sometimes I feel like I have a fourteen year old toddler in the house.

I know boxers are very tolerant, but to what extent? Will he become a mean dog? Am I over-reacting?

There is so much wonderful advice on this board and I would greatly appreciate any input.

Thor-4 months - flashy

harlie'smom · #2 09-14-2006, 10:30 AM

I think you need to have a nice long talk with your stepson. He needs to know its NOT ok to torcher Thor. Whats up with him putting the barstool legs over his water bowl? Has your stepson had pets before?

ssi_rhonda · #3 09-14-2006, 10:36 AM

Yes, he is being mean. Thor will come to mistrust all kids that age. My first experience with Boxers was my best friend Rebel, he came to our family when I was 5. He had been mistreated by two blond (I was also blond) headed children that were around the age of 5. Our first meeting went VERY badly to say the least.....he tried to eat me, I escaped with no injuries, but extremely frightened. Had it not been for the patience of my grandmother I would have probably never liked dogs (especially Boxers) and Rebel probably would have been put down and we both would have missed out on a great friendship that lasted for 12 years. It took over a year before he could be left alone with me. To say that this left an impression on me is an understatement. It is very possible for one child to ruin a great dog.

What would I recommend? Talk to DH, if your stepson will not listen to you maybe he will listen to DH. If he continues to mistreat Thor, I see it a lot like training my Boxer, if the discipline that you are choosing isn't working, don't keep doing it

Step up the discipline until you get the response that you expect.

I don't mean to seem harsh, but this is a subject that is obviously dear to my heart. I would hate think about the number of great dogs that have been put down because they acted aggressively toward a child because parents didn't stop their kids from mistreating a dog.

Hope this was of some help

DarlingBri · #4 09-14-2006, 11:29 AM

In the long run, I'm less concerned about Thor than I am about your stepson. That is really very troubling behaviour and I'm pretty certain it calls for at least a consultation with an adolecent psychologist. Behaviour like that from a teenager is indicative of some quite toubling possibilities. Please take this behaviour very seriously and do something to help your stepson - which will, in turn, help your puppy.

jakesmom001 · #5 09-14-2006, 11:32 AM

He has had dogs before. He had two chocolate labs and got them as puppies. The labs were awful. They constantly ran away, pottied in the garage and just didn't listen so my husband got rid of them. I have no idea how he was with them. I spoke to the child briefly this morning and asked him if he would hold down his niece or nephew when playing with them and he said no. I asked him not to do that to Thor.

Unfortunately talking to my husband is like talking to a brick wall when it comes to his son. I'm hopeful that since my husband really loves Thor he will listen and correct his son.

pmari3 · #6 09-14-2006, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarlingBri

In the long run, I'm less concerned about Thor than I am about your stepson. That is really very troubling behaviour and I'm pretty certain it calls for at least a consultation with an adolecent psychologist. Behaviour like that from a teenager is indicative of some quite toubling possibilities. Please take this behaviour very seriously and do something to help your stepson - which will, in turn, help your puppy.

Unfortunately, I whole heartedly agree. When teenagers mistreat or abuse animals, it is generally indicative of a deeper seated issue that could progress as he gets older if left untreated. You need to have a serious talk with your DH and stepson. If you find that you are unable to correct his behavior then I would definitely say you need to get professional help. Good luck with all.

JaredKyah · #7 09-14-2006, 11:51 AM

I would have a serious talk with both your stepson and your husband at the same time. One of the top questions to ask your stepson is if he likes the dog? If no, ask for reasons why. Was he involved in the decision to bring a puppy into your home? Is he feeling neglected because the puppy is getting the attention that was previously his? Is he being asked to take on too much responsibility for the puppy? Ask why he mistreats the puppy when specifically told not to.

You referred to Thor as "my sweet puppy", are you allowing Thor to be a family dog, or do you control all of the decisions when it comes to Thor? I only ask because when we made the decision to get a puppy for our family, DH and I had many conversations about allowing our children, 15 and 13, to take an active part in raising and training our dog. We knew that we would both tend to dominate in all dog related matters and we had to consciously make our children part of the process and let them bond with the dog as well.

I admit that my first reaction when I read your post was that you should put restrictions on your stepson as consequences for his behavior, ie no phone, computer etc. However, that may make him resent Thor, because he will see it as though the dog is the cause of his punishment. It is much more important to find out why he is behaving this way, and to do so in a way that is non-combative and with the support of DH.

After you find out what is really going on with your stepson, and all agree to work on any issues that may arise from that conversation I would suggest you start with a simple co-training session. Show him how to train the dog to sit/come/stay/shake, and encourage him to teach the dog to do one or more of the commands and to reward the dog with treats each time. You need to not intervene during one of these sessions and let your stepson feel as though he is accomplishing a goal by working together with Thor.

I think that if you are willing to try these suggestions, you will only see positive results.

Good Luck

jakesmom001 · #8 09-14-2006, 11:58 AM

I do take my stepson's behavior VERY seriously, but unfortunately I'm not in control of the situation and like my previous response my husband doesn't take his behavior seriously. If he was my son he would have been in therapy two years ago when I came into this family.

**gmacleod** · #9 09-14-2006, 11:58 AM

You need to control your stepson. Teach him how to behave properly with an animal, most especially a baby one. How you go about that is really up to you - I can't give you any advice on how to handle your family relationships. But you do need to do something.

Yes, that sort of abuse may result in an aggressive dog. Aggression begets aggression - and holding a puppy down by the neck or hitting it is most certainly aggression. He may get away with right now while that puppy is a baby, but if he tries it when the dog is larger and better able to fight back, then he will almost certainly be most deservedly bitten.

JaredKyah · #10 09-14-2006, 12:02 PM

Just saw your last post about Stepson having 2 labs that your husband got rid of?

Ummm... OK Dad, you got rid of my dogs, but your wife gets to have a dog?

Just a guess but there may be some resentment issues that are affecting your stepson's behavior. The reasons for his resentment may have some or no basis in fact, but they still have to be dealt with.

I still suggest that you have that discussion with DH and his son and if there are no satisfactory answers, you may need to seek the advice of a professional in order to correct the situation (and not just the situation with the dog).