Help! Nervous new mother :( (this is long)

mmsimon · #1 01-24-2006, 12:32 AM

I REALLY need help here. We FINALLY got our baby after months of looking and a very long drive to get her and bring her home (I will post photos as soon as she settles in). She is a beautiful flashy brindle show-prospect that didn't quite work out for that. She is very well trained. What a gem!
She is 11 months (we decided we wanted an instant companion and BOY did I get that!).

Since we got home she has been on us (mainly me as she is not that used to men) like white on rice. We had bought a wire crate for her and played the in and out game last night and after she seemed comfortable closed it and she slept beside our bed. She fussed once and I told her "no" when my comforting with reaching my hand down didn't work. She was good after that. Today I learned that "no" was reserved by her breeder/owner for only REALLY bad things. Well, when hubby got up to go to work he let her out and big surprise she didn't want back in the crate after. Sooooo, after much pacing and I was exhausted and wanted to sleep I let her climb in bed with me to sleep and she was great then. Now she won't go in her crate! I can get her to lunge in to grab a treat but then she comes out and looks afraid. What do I do? I need to go for work for a few hours tomorrow and this girl has major separation anxiety already! If I leave to do something in the kitchen she whines and paces like crazy. She is also very anxious and gets really shakey when something scares her, and many things do. I ignore it but it's not helping. I knew this would be really tough on her but I feel so bad and soooo incompetent right now. All my reading did not prepare me for this! To top it off she has had 2 poopie accidents in the house. I take her out but she won't do her thing. She'll pee with much coaxing. I think my timing must be off and I am missing the signs. I must be... she is very bright. Someone please help! Thanks in advance

garvinsmum · #2 01-24-2006, 02:14 AM

Actually it's probably more stressful for them to go to a new home when they are older.
If the previous owner didn't use a crate then you would probably be better shutting her in a safe room for a few hours.
I understand how things are though.
Bailey is 2 and he is very clingy. Being sent to a new home is scary and I think he was left outside alone a lot. At first he woud really freak out when left alone, he is getting better, but wtill very anxious.
Was she housetrained before?
Sometimes you have to adjust your expectations a bit too, they have to learn how things are done. I get so frustrated because I take Garvin out, he just does his business and goes straight back in, Bailey takes AGES, I think even after 7 weeks he still doesn't understand we are going outside to potty, not to stare at the plants...
Unless you want her in your bed don't let her in again. In your room with the door shut should be safe enough, just get rid of anything lying around she could get into.
If she was previously crate trained someone else might be able to offer some advice there, I've never used one and I wouldn't try on an older dog.

mmsimon · #3 01-24-2006, 02:37 AM

Thanks Guys. I should have mentioned that yes she was crate trained and potty trained. Although, her usual crate was plastic and we have a wire one. Her owner says she had no problems before and sounds surprised. I think it all makes sense. I wouldn't even do as well as she is

I just think I am not helping...being a rookie and a big softie:

KCboxer4 · #4 01-24-2006, 05:07 AM

Right now she needs lots of love and reassurance. Being in totally new suroundings she's petrified. Give her alot of love and constant attention so she feels secure and she knows she's loved, ( not that your not already doing this) this will help her more than anything else. Keep us posted and good luck, it will be fine

Iv'e been through this with our Maya that we adopted when she was three, a retired showdog, it took almost a year, but sooooooo worth it

I promise!!!!

AJsMom · #5 01-24-2006, 06:01 AM

She'll settle in - just be patient. In 2 weeks you'll be posting about how wonderful she's doing!!

K8IE · #6 01-24-2006, 08:18 AM

Awww, poor things (you and the pup.) I am sure she is nervous and having a hard time getting adjusted. Best thing to do would be to heap on the praise and not be stressed yourself, as she will feed off your anxiety. Just relax and give her lots of love and treats. You could always call the breeder back and get a list of all the words and commands she knows and that may help you to be able to communicate with your baby better. Once she feels more settled I bet she will fit right in and get on shedule and things will be fine! Give her a hug and just relax!!

presley101 · #7 01-24-2006, 09:37 AM

One suggestion would be to cover the crate with something to make her feel more secure if she was used to a plastic crate before. Maybe she gets over stimulated since she can see everything. I got a rescue that desimated wire crates in record time. (4 of them) I covered the last one with a nice dark colored blanket for a few hours while I was home but in another room and she settled right down and went to sleep.

Be patient and find your own language to use with her and avoid the "no" word if at all possible.

GinsMomma · #8 01-24-2006, 09:41 AM

I agree with the others. Give her some time to settle in & lots of love.

**Jan** · #9 01-24-2006, 09:49 AM

I would definitely try covering her crate with a blanket or something. Is it possible to try shutting her in room like the kitchen. Maybe she would be more comfortable in there. It is very important that you make you comings and goings non-vents. Don't make a big fuss of her when you leave and just ignore her for 10 minutes or so when you come home.

Daisy's mom · #10 01-24-2006, 10:16 AM

Daisy started having seperation anxiety after I boarded her in a kennel for 4 days while we were on vacation and it wasn't possible to take her. I took her there 3 times just for half days prior to our vacation so she could get use to the place and the caretaker but that didn't help. She started doing her business in the house again even though she was fully housetrained before and she started being very destructive in the house when left alone. One day she got into the laundry storage and there was cleaning stuff all over the house. That scared me enough to buy her a crate. We did the in and out practice and all seems OK but the first day I went to work I had to push her in. We tried to play in and out again that evening but she wouldn't go in at all.
My son did the greatest thing, he sat in the crate and settle in, at first she just looked at him like what the heck but after a while she nervously went in and they both sat there all evening watching TV and having snacks. The next morning I prepared her a special snack and she went in all by herself and sat to get her treat. I closed the door and that was it, now when she sees me preparing her special treat she knows and goes strait in her crate and sits. She is such an angel. What I found the hardest when I rescued Daisy was not her getting use to us but me understanding her need. Just stick to it and you will both get to know each other and each day will be better.