Oh, please know my tears are flowing for you as my baby is just about to turn 4 and cannot imagine what you must be going through. I love him soo much that I literally hold my breath when I enter our house and do not see him wiggling hello at the door and cannot let in go until I hear him barrel down the stairs.
So, you will be in my prayers and thoughts. Let your self heal best you can... maybe make a photo book, place a special picture with a candle lit near it. Do not rush it, the pain is still so new but you will know what is right in your heart.
I am my Boxer's Mom!