Well, here we are. Three weeks later and it is 3 a.m. here in Colorado and I am feeling waves of sorrow and shaking with tears and laughter each. My sweetest angel girl lost her battle on Friday. We got three extra beautiful, wonderful weeks with her that I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life, however on Friday she just could no longer do it anymore. We understood what she was telling us and with the approval of a vet we held her tightly, kissed her nose, and said goodbye. It was so peaceful for her. I do believe she was very ready to no longer have to fight, but I know that I was not ready to say goodbye.
It is very similar to when my father died, as the grieving comes in waves and as I said one moment I'll be smiling and laughing at memories of my beautiful girl and the next my heart will be breaking from missing her so much.
We have been taking her up to our mountain property every weekend recently (when she was feeling up to it) and it brought her so much joy to be in a beautiful and natural open space, so naturally we buried her right where she loved. Up on the edge of the mountain, under a young tree that gives the perfect amount of shade and sun and where the view stretches for miles across the whole range.
I am in absolute awe at the warmth and love you have given to us. Tonight when it got to it's worst there was only only place I knew I could go to find some solace... here.
To Susi, Raine and Cami: You are so elequent... "complete sorrow," is what we feel. At the same time too I feel truly blessed to have known what was coming so I could cherish every moment with her even more. I've never cuddled so much in my life as I have in the past three weeks, and it felt so wonderful. I gave her everything I had and then some. She never once had a crumb in her water, or a goobie in her eye! I'm sure these things didn't matter much to her, but I know that holding her when she felt sick, telling her she was a good girl and she was okay when she could no longer control her bowel movements and was embarrassed, and walking as slowly as she needed to did mean something to her. God bless you and your Cami.
To Elgerdes: I share in your fear, and feel that if only I could take their pain... if only. We were told Lucy was in no pain but the last few days it was obvious that she was. We did everything we could to make her comfortable and I think it really helped. I am thankful that she was not in any pain until the very end. Your Zoe is so beautiful, and those kisses are so needed right now!
To Eileen: Your love story with Frazier is so wonderful! Dad's always know what to get you don't they
I agree, the gifts they give us are worth more than anything. I know for a fact that I am a more peaceful person for having loved Lucy, and even if I had to go through the grief ten times I would never trade one day with her. Your kind words have truly touched me.
Miles & Wilson: Oh Wilson, I am so sorry to hear about your Miles. He is so beautiful. I cannot imagine his loyalty and your companionship through deployments and moves. You are the nations protector and he is your protector. I pray for you and Miles and I will think of you often. He is so handsome.
I don't really know what to say... She was my life and now she is gone. I am so at peace knowing she is no longer suffering but... I don't know if I'm okay without her. I know time will help, but for now it feels as if half of me is missing.
Love Love Love